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Luis

Oct. 6th, 2009

08:56 pm - Burning Hills

I am different. I feel different. I long differently. I feel at peace yet the battle rages on. I've rekindled with lost friends whom I never thought
I would have again. I guess thats just what happens. My cynicsm has been pointed towards me now than to others. I guess all that crap was just me and not anyone else. To finally accept that is probably one of the best and worst feelings. It has taught me to become selfish in a way that I am not hurting anyone else but myself. I create, I make my own path and I choose what I need and want to do without worrying about anyone or myself sometimes. To this day I still feel alone with everybody. More sheltered, shy and yet comfortable. I am afraid to love, I am afraid to be loved. I am almost certain that I can live with that until I'm in my deathbed. (don't quote me on that). Three more years and I will be 30. All of my hero's have been estbalished before they were 25. I had dreams of becomig established before 30. I am almost certain that I can live with that until I'm in my deathbed. (quote me on that). It does not matter to me anymore. I still feel like I'm in a rut, but in a good way. More like a soldier in Bastogne, still digging that perfect foxhole for me to fit in. Or the soldier that has gotten a purple heart on each campaign he's been on and yet he's still needed. The fact is, I go on and on no matter what is thrown at me, whether I solve it or not it's going to happen anyway. Whoever I meet, wherever I go, whoever I talk to, whoever I'm friends with I do not take it for granted. I've learned that I can learn a lot from them. To accept things and to act upon the experiences that is given to me will not end certain feelings or end any conflicts within myself. Though I have learned more about myself this year than any of the other years. But I assure myself that it if I keep digging through the cracks, there will be another wall to go through. And in some way I hope to never see the light, not until I'm in my deathbed.

Jul. 8th, 2008

08:41 pm

 This is probably the most difficult and painful downward spiral I've ever gotten. It gets tougher and tougher everyday. Just leave me alone.

Aug. 17th, 2007

11:58 am - tale of a tale...

through my eyes i see fear, betrayal, hatred, anger, love.
each day that passes i feel less of the person i was.
distanced from human kind.
an outsider speaks. everyone listens, but no one understands.
i am different, i feel different. i am lonely, i feel lonely.
you take from me but never give back. 
it left me isolated, buried alive, burning inside.
its out of reach, i have to grab it before its......too late.
what i love to do is just a dream, a dream i tried to do, a dream i keep dreaming of, a dream that was so close i could have kissed it.
flushed into the abyss, the darkness creeping within me.
it laughs at me, pointing its slender finger, demoralizing me as i lay naked stripped from my skin.
i bleed alone trying to reach out.
its gone, im down to my bare bones.
im still reaching, reaching for obsession.
obsession. obsessus.
i am possessed with my obsession.
but i do nothing to obsess over it.
because no one feels the way i feel.

 

Current Mood: happyhappy

Jun. 16th, 2005

10:40 pm

Sun's coming up and I can't decide
To spill my emotions or keep them inside
Go for a drive, go to the store
I'm looking for something that can't be bought there

I always wear a smile
Because anything but a smile would make me have to explain
And they wouldn't understand anyway
I conceal my feelings so I won't have to explain
What I can't explain anyway

I can't decide
I can't decide
I can't decide anything

I can't decide
I can't decide
I can't decide anything

Every time I open my mouth
I always wish I had kept it shut
I gotta spill my guts - but I don't dare
I take a look around, I know that no one else cares

Sun's coming up and I can't decide
To spill my emotions or keep them inside
Go for a drive, go to the store
I'm looking for something that can't be bought there

I always wear a smile
Because anything but a smile would make me have to explain
And they wouldn't understand anyway
I conceal my feelings so I won't have to explain
What I can't explain anyway

I can't decide
I can't decide
I can't decide anything

Current Mood: numbnumb

10:36 pm - Bored to Death

Ain't got a job
my life's a drag
I'm just a waste
put me in a bag
I went to school
to learn how to cheat
and all I got
were words on a sheet

Nothing to do
I'm bored to death
I'm so bored
I'm bored to death

When boredom sets in
I just wanna die
I just can't move
no matter how I try
I don't do drugs
and I won't start
I did 'em once
and got blown apart

It's immature but I like it.

Current Mood: pissed offpissed off

Jan. 2nd, 2004

06:24 pm - Pof

yay 2004!! here we go again with the stress and all that great stuff.

Jun. 6th, 2001

10:01 pm - Metal Gear 2 is Fuckin Awsome!

i saw my baby love today. she gave a me another lovely letter. i loved it soo damn much. i love all the letters she gave to me, they're soo sweet and beautiful. she looked gorgeous today, and smelled good! she had to leave early though. but i cant wait till saturday, thats when i get to see her all day. we're plannin to go see Tomb Raider next friday, hopefully we'll get to go.
i downloaded the Metal Gear 2 trailer. its fuckin awsome. i think the only 2 reasons why i wanna get a p.s.2 is becuz of that game and the dvd player. fuck it. its worth it. i need a job to get one first. o well.
i love lising i love lising i love lising i love lising i love lising i love lising i love lising i love lising i love lising i love lising...

Current Mood: refreshedrefreshed
Current Music: Police Sirens...

Apr. 11th, 2001

03:01 pm - Anesthesia feels great!

i got my wisdom teeth pulled out this mornin around 9 o' clock. it felt real good when the doc gave me that anesthesia. the operation lasted for about 30 minutes. he's a real good doc. he also worked on my brother couple years ago. rite now im in great pain. im still bleedin, and my jaws feel like someone bashed them agianst a wall. i was swollen for a couple of hours. but it went down. i dunno if still gonna get swollen. we'll see. im gonna go to bed now and pass out.

Current Mood: soresore
Current Music: One Way System: Give Us A Future

Jan. 1st, 2001

01:14 pm - Intoxicated Boy

well....new years was for sure hell. i didnt do anything at all. i just lit soem fire crackers with my dad. a friend of mine gave me a call at midnight and said "happy new year". shes a nice girl but i told her that i didnt feel like talking to anyone right now, plus she was drunk, and i wasnt gonna tolerate that. so she got real upset that i wasnt gonna talk, so she said "whatever", and hung up. i dont know what was her problem, i simply told her the truth. o well. i drank almost two bottles of wine last night. got a lil too buzzed. not yet drunk, but if i had a lil more i think i would be gone. so i went to bed while i was still gettin my temporary high. i had this really bad chest pain, it kept me awake for about an hour. it was the most horrible pain i ever had. it sucked a lot. but as soon as i got into my sleeping mode, i was out! i had the best sleep. whatta new year huh.

Current Mood: sicksick

12:14 am - Kill your idols

Happy New Year to the scum of the earth!!

Current Mood: bitchybitchy

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